Working Double Time On That Seduction Line
by hariboo-smirks
Summary: So love stories are for punks. This is so much more badass than that. Spoilers up until "Sectionals".


**Title:** Working Double Time On That Seduction Line  
**Fandom:** Glee  
**Pairing:** Puck/Rachel  
**Rating:** PG-13, but R in language.  
**Spoilers/Warnings:** up until "Sectionals"  
**Disclaimer:** not mine!  
**Summary:** So love stories are for punks. This is so much more badass than that. _"Oh, I'm not sure. Tina and I were in the middle of a conversation," Rachel furrows her brow, looking between him and Tina, and he struggles not to smile, because really, it's kinda cute when she does that thing with her forehead, but he also knows that if he wants this thing to go his way he's going to have to charm her into this._  
**A/N:** Unbeated! I apologise in advance for the mistakes I overlooked; feel free to point them out. Also, I blame this fic solely on the fact I've have no one to reign me in these last few months without the show and that Noah Puckerman allows for the LULZ in ways I never expected. I've been kinda writing this thing since "Mash Up" but it's changed a lot since its inception. It used to be in Rachel's pov for one, and it used to be a Five Things, but now it's kinda not. I don't know what it is anymore.

* * *

**Working Double Time On That Seduction Line**

It doesn't happen a lot, but every once in a while his mother drags him to temple. Usually, i.e.: all the fucking time, he has several plans in place to avoid this (weekend football practices, crashing at Finn's after a long night kicking ass at Call of Duty, parties in which he usually finds a couch to crash on, cleaning pools and doing cougars, etc.) but lately none of his carefully planned excuses to skip temple are working (football season is pretty much over and like he would actually go to a weekend practise but his mom doesn't need to know that, Quinn is living at Finn's and no way in hell is he going to actively step into the line of fire, and chicks are getting too clingy for the Puckerone deal with). So bright and early this morning he has his mom knocking on his door telling him to get ready, that they were leaving in twenty minutes. Then the squirt bounded into his room and decided the best way to wake him up was jumping on his bed.

His mom and sister are so lucky that they're related to him, because fuck, going to temple? So not badass. At fucking all.

Of course, it's in the middle of the service, cursing his decision not to crash at Matt's last night that he sees her. She's sitting with her fathers two rows in front of him and a couple seats to his right, so he has like a perfect view of her profile, and of course she's got this crazy intense look, because it's Rachel. As if she would do anything else than give Rabbi Wisemen her completely attention. It's in the middle of following the curve of her jaw—a jaw he's intimately familiar with, fucking A he is— he realises that he never introduced her to his mother. Well, shit. That was supposed to be the whole point of the Dating Rachel Berry Plan. Funny how he forgot that little (okay major) detail when he actually began dating Berry. (Maybe it had to do with the fact he actually liked hanging out with her, and her house was like a primed for uninterrupted make out sessions, all the time, with her dads working late almost every day. Maybe it had to do with that it's none of anyone's business but his.)

So as he watches Rachel throughout the rest of the service, which he is not paying attention to, but she clearly is, he comes up with the best plan to fix this. Well, second best, the best plan would have been to keep dating her. Rachel owes him for dumping him anyway, even though he had totally been planning to drop her crazy (and fine) ass. At some point. Maybe.

What-the fuck-ever.

As Rachel tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, Puck smirks and decides that what better time than now to introduce Berry to his mom than now. It's a Jewish trifecta. Or something.

—

After the service he hangs by the car as the squirt and his mom talk to various people. He keeps one eye on the temple door looking for Berry, the other on the squirt (currently talking with some other brat with way too many ribbons in their hair), when finally he hears her.

"I really think you should try talking to him again, Tina. I'm sure Artie just needed some time to process your confession."

Looking around, Puck spots her three cars down talking to Tina. Blinking, he almost can't understand what he's seeing because both girls look completely different from how they do in school. Number one and most importantly in his book, Rachel's dress reaches down to her knees. What is this madness? And Tina (and who knew she was Jewish?) is not wearing her usual Goth get up. Not to mention the fact they seems to be talking to each and Tina is actually smiling. Puck doesn't think he's ever seen the chick crack a smile around Rachel before.

See this is why he hates going to temple. Things get fucking weird.

But Rachel and Tina's secret Jew friendship is not on his list of this things he cares about, ever, so he pushes off his mom's Toyota and makes his way over to the two girls.

"Hey, Berry, got a second?"

Both girls turn to him with wide eyes and Puck rolls his eyes. Chicks.

Rachel recovers from her surprise first, giving him a sunny smile. "Noah! Hello, how are you today? I didn't think you came to temple anymore."

Tina just nods, "Hey." (Puck wishes that for just one-second Rachel would response like a normal person does.)

"Yeah, I don't. My mom got lucky. So, can I talk you for a second?"

"Oh, I'm not sure. Tina and I were in the middle of a conversation," Rachel furrows her brow, looking between him and Tina, and he struggles not to smile, because really, it's kinda cute when she does that thing with her forehead, but he also knows that if he wants this thing to go his way he's going to have to charm her into it.

"It won't take long. I promise, Berry." He tugs on the sleeve of her sweater. Next to Rachel, Tina's eyes widen comically, but Puck sees the second that the need to share this information wins over whatever she and Rachel were talking about.

"Don't worry about it, Rachel," Tina smiles, "my mom is probably waiting for me anyway."

Rachel frowns, giving a side long look at Puck, like she's blaming him for this, "If your sure."

Tina nods, "It's cool, I'll see you at school on Monday." She begins to walk away when she pauses and turns back, "Thanks for the advice, Rachel."

"You're welcome; I hope it helps," Rachel grins brightly and waves as Tina leaves. She still has the giant grin on her face when she turns back to Puck, and he's reminded of just how that smile affects him. The girl wears her emotions on her face; he doesn't know how he hasn't noticed it before, so when the smile fades as she gives him an unhappy look, Puck frowns.

If it wasn't such a pussy thing to admit, he would say that when Rachel frowns at him it makes him feel like he got punched in the gut. Which is the only way to explain the following words out of his mouth.

"Tina's Jewish?" That was so not what he was supposed to say. Word vomit.

Rachel rolls her eyes, "Clearly, Noah. Mrs. Cohen-Chang is Jewish and since Judaism is passed down by the mother rather than the father, Tina is Jewish by birth. And while I don't think her parents made her choose a religion, Tina has always been very good about attending temple with her mother. Something you would know if you managed to come more than once a month."

Puck grins. Rachel's rants are always amusing and give him time to get his badassery in check, because she goes on forever and lets him push those annoying things people call feelings down. Plus, she's totally temple-stalking him and coming from Rachel, that's like a guaranteed pass to first base.

"It's not like I know the chick and no offence but it's not like it's obvious."

"I'm not sure how to take that statement, because despite its rather racist overtone I know you well enough, or at least I hope I do, that I'm sure you didn't mean for it come out in such a derogatory and prejudice manner."

"What?"

"Just because Tina might not look like—" she starts again, and he decides that as funny as it is, it's not worth a second rant. He's got shit to do.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. I'm a jackass, Tina's a fellow Jew and you still think I'm a jerk. I got it, now believe it or not I didn't come over to ask about Tina."

"Oh, I see. What do you need, Noah?" And not for the first time Puck is completely amazed how Rachel can flip from being totally insane one minute to this soft and caring slip of a girl that he might or might not actually consider an equal.

"Did you mean all that crap about being friends?" He sticks his hands in his pocket because fuck, that was not supposed to sound as whipped as it did.

"Of course I did, Noah." It still has the desired effect and Rachel's eyes are all big and brown and looking at him like she did when he walked into the choir room that day.

He smiles, "Good, because in the spirit of friendship, I need a favour from you."

"Oh and what might that be, because while I understand that friends will do many things for each other, I will not help you in committing any kind of unlawful act." She pokes at his chest, making him laugh because who is this girl? Unlawful act? Though now that she mention it there are few things he can think of that could end in handcuffs… Shaking himself out his thoughts, he realises that she's still talking, big surprise, "And I will not participate in anything that could tarnish my reputation in this town, because while I plan to leave it one day, I do not wish to have any past indiscretions that the media could later use to undermine me and my talent."

Puck blinks. What the hell is she talking about?

"Look, Rachel, chill. It's not a big deal, I just need you to Berry it up with my mom for two minutes—and I'm counting them, _two minutes_, Rach—and pretend that you don't think I'm a total ass."

Rachel gives him measuring look, like she's reading his mind, then sighs, "Okay, sure, but I'm not sure what you mean by 'Berry it up', it makes no sense using my name as a verb."

"Just be your crazy self for two minutes," he repeats, holding his fingers up. "Two."

She laughs; it's a good sound, "Two minutes."

—

Five minutes later, he's literally pulling her away from his mom and the squirt, who are like in love with Rachel already and he figures he just bought himself a month of not hearing about Nazis, Jewish girls, and temple. Score.

"Yeah, yeah, mom, she gets it. She's welcome over to the house whenever. Look, we gotta go."

Rachel waves, happily, "It was a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Puckerman."

"You too, Rachel, honey."

Even the squirt waves, "Bye, Rachel! You should come and watch _Mulan_ with me later! Noah never wants too."

Puck rolls his eyes. Chicks. When he has them both a good distance away from his mother, he turns to Rachel.

"Thanks, you just bought me a month of peace. Though now you might want to watch yourself, because I seriously think my mom would trade me in for you."

"It was no problem, your family is nice. What happened to you?" Rachel giggles, and it's only because she giggled that he knows she meant it as a joke. He rolls his eyes, and suddenly she's giving him a look and like two-seconds later she puts the pieces together and glares at him. "Wait, did you just used me to score Jewish points with your mother?"

"Maybe," he shrugs, giving her a wink.

Rachel jabs on tiny and seriously pointy finger at his chest, "Noah Puckerman, you are despicable."

He laughs, "Thanks." He starts to walk away when he stops and seriously considers punching himself later for the lameness that's about to come out of his mouth.

"So, Berry, need a ride home?"

Rachel just gives him a soft smile and shakes her head, "It's okay, my dads are just over there." She points to where two men are taking to Mrs. Pinkett, which Noah knows from experience means she'll be waiting for them for a good ten minutes —the old bat never shuts up, something she and Rachel have in common, he thinks with a smirk.

"Okay. See you, Crazy."

She rolls her eyes, "Bye, _Noah_."

As he and his family drive away a couple minutes later he notices Rachel still sitting on a bench, earphones stuck in her ears, waiting for her dads and has to bite down on his lip because he's this close to doing something stupid and telling his mom to stop so he can wait with her and that? Totally not badass.

———

Because Mr. Schue is lame, dude thinks that they, as a club, need more team building exercises, which basically means that Puck might have to actually work during Glee. This shit is not kosher.

It gets even less awesome when Mr. S decides that they should try their hands at ballads again. Puck stifles a laugh at the memory of Berry's week of unrestrained crazy—he has theory that her copy of West Side Story finally died on her and in the grief of the situation she snapped, deciding that Mr. S would be the curly haired Tony to her wackass Maria. (And yes, he fucking knows who Tony and Maria are. He found out during the Lost Week Of Crazy, as he's come to call the seven days that he spent trying to get his hands under Rachel's skirt.) If he considered like getting her a new copy because the puppy eyes she kept sending Mr. Schue were starting to creep on him, well, whatever. He was just trying to save another dude from the crazy eyes. One word: BRO CODE.

Two, fine, fuck you.

Jealously had like nothing to do with it.

Thing is that this week Rutherford doesn't have a spider in his ear, and when Mr. S tells them that they should just pair up like before, Puck's eyes flit to where Rachel turns to Matt and explains the situation. Matt just shrugs. It's like getting a smile from the guy. What. The. Fuck. Dude doesn't even flinch at the mention of pairing up with Crazy Berry. They're going to have a talk later.

And that would have been that, except because the world doesn't let him catch a break, Mercedes hands goes up.

"Yes, Mercedes?"

She shoots Puck an annoyed look over her shoulder, "Look, Mr. Schue, you know I'm all over this, but I just cannot work with the Mr. T reject fanboy over there."

Puck rolls his eyes, "Hey, Chocolate Thunder, that loser only wishes his hawk was a badass a mine."

Nobody messes with his Do.

Mercedes sighs, "See what I mean. So, I can I just switch with," she gives a pause looking around the room, eyes resting on Kurt, who gives her the stink eyes (Puck _knew_ Queer Eye had a thing for Finn!), and then smiles, "I'll switch with Rachel!"

For a second Puck considers that Mercedes might not be such a bitch, because pairing up with Berry is like a prime excuse to try and get up those skirts again.

But, like Puck said, the world doesn't let him catch a break.

"No, Mercedes, like I said last time, these pairings are non-negotiable."

Mercedes slumps in her seat.

Kurt pats her shoulder reassuringly.

Puck groans.

Everybody else couldn't care less.

(Rachel might have frowned, but nobody noticed it and she covered it up fast enough.)

—

Here's the deal: when Puck told Schue weeks ago that he didn't groove on Young MC, he meant it. He doesn't groove on Beyonce, Mariah, Whitney, Lil Kim, Destiny's Child, En Vogue, Angie Stone, or whoever that Effy chick is either. He'll dance, if he's drunk enough (or in mid Glee high), because his moves are badass, but that's it. Seriously.

Mercedes doesn't seem to understand that.

Doesn't help that she's always texting Kurt, coordinating outfits, or talking to Tina about her hamster—how has that thing not giving birth already?— and whatever else chicks (and he's including Hummel in this) talk about. So the amount of work they do on the ballad is pretty much fuck all. Only good thing is that he doesn't have other life changing secrets to spill anymore, which really means they have even less to say to each other.

Awesome, except all they do say to each other are song titles and "no". You guessed it; he's the no.

Finally on day three of being bored out of his mind, he breaks. "You know what, Aretha? When you stop texting your girlfriend Hummel over there, you can come up with your own ballad or whatever the fuck. Give me the music and I'll play whatever shit you pick, but I'm out of here."

Mercedes looks up at him and he knows what a diva bomb looks like. He dated Berry, remember?

So, he puts up his hand.

"See ya."

"I'm picking Mariah!" she yells after him.

He flips her the finger.

Like he cares.

—

The week only continues getting crazier after that. It's lunch and he's walking past the choir room when he hears the piano. He knows it's not Brad—the dude only shows up for Glee like some sort of vampire; it's a theory Puck has—and it really only means it's either Hummel or Berry. He doesn't know who else can play the piano (except him, but _that's_ a secret that is going to the grave).

Peering into the room, he's not surprised to see Berry sitting at piano, her fingers gliding over the key as she harmonises with Matt.

Wait. What?

Rutherford is there, standing on the other end of the instrument and he's like _singing_. Puck's not sure he's ever heard Matt speak more than ten words at a time. Even during performances Puck is ninety percent sure Matt is just mouthing the words.

Then he notices something else. Something weirder.

Chang and Brittany are there too. What the hell is going on in there? Since when do those two tolerate Berry?

But there they are, sitting by the back, and Chang is holding his cell phone up like a lighter, waving it around like a loser. Brittany is swaying in her seat, her ponytail swishing behind her.

He has to know what's going on.

Everybody freezes when he pushes into the room.

"What are you losers doing?"

Matt and Mike glance at each other, Brittany mumbles something about dancing, and Berry just gives him the look.

"Well?"

"If you must know, Noah,"—he must—"Matt and I were just practising our song. Mike and Brittany were gracious enough to play the parts of audience members, for it is always better to perform in front of crowd no matter how small it is. It prepares you for the future pressure of larger audiences." Rachel begins lecture number three on how everything you do is a rehearsal for Broadway.

Puck cuts her off. "Right, uh huh. Chang?"

"Yeah, dude, what she said, and Matt was like scared of practising with Rachel alone, so like a good bro does I came to show support."

"Mike!" Matt growls, making Puck laugh. Yeah, that makes more sense.

"Me and Rachel go to the same dance studio and Santana is baby-sitting this afternoon." Brittany adds and Puck doesn't even know or understand what the hell that's supposed to mean.

"Okay…" Pucks looks over to Chang, who gives him a look like he doesn't know what Brittany is talking about either.

It's awkward for a second and then Rachel speaks, her voice so low and quiet and hurt.

"Were you really scared of interacting with me by yourself, Matt?" Rachel asks, her eyes doing that thing they do when she's disappointed. Puck hates that he knows what they look like firsthand, the memories of the in the bathroom during the slushie wars still make his stomach twist. The sight of her sitting on his lap, her tiny skirt fluttering around her thighs, and those eyes.

The feeling always tastes like guilt.

And now, she's giving Matt the same look. Puck can't punch himself, but he has no problem punching others.

Matt stutters, punching Mike on the shoulder, beating Puck to it, but then turns to Rachel with a smile. "Don't listen to him, Rachel. You're not scary, you're just…"

"Crazy," Puck puts in, "but it's like your default setting, Berry, so if we weren't all scared of you it'd be like weird."

Rachel glares at Puck, but at least she's doesn't have that sad look in her eyes anymore. She's also used to him being a dick to her.

"And I'm to presume that the general attitude you put out into the world is one that is supposed to inspire camaraderie?"

"If that's your way of saying that I'm a badass and people _should_ be scared of me? Then the answer is _hell yeah_."

"You're incorrigible," she mutters and then turns back to the piano, "and if you're done interrupting our practise I'll kindly ask you to leave. Lunch is almost over and we have much more work to do."

Puck settles in one of the chairs. "Don't mind me."

Both Rachel and Matt glare at him, but Puck only flashes them an obnoxious smile. Rachel shakes her head and encourages Matt to ignore him as she starts up the song again. Puck won't ever admit it but just watching Rachel perform even for an audience of three is like a fucking experience (better than watching _The Big Lebowski_ with his best girl: The Chronic Lady and that's saying _a lot_) and one likes he kinda having over and over again. Even Rutherford's crappy singing doesn't take away from it.

—

When Mr. Schue asks them to perform their ballads he strums his way through Mercedes singing "One Sweet Day", a joining her on the Boyz II Men parts, and it's good—like he could not anything less than awesome—but it's clear that he and Mercedes only practised it together yesterday for the first time.

Others go after them. They don't suck. Artie makes Quinn sound good, Quinn makes Artie look good, and Hummel gives Finn a look that makes Puck want to throw up, but Finn takes it like a trooper. Mike and Tina pull out some crazy shit with Bowie, but it looks and sounds awesome.

Then Rachel and Matt step up and there's this an unspoken thing that everybody wants to see just what a disaster this will be, because they all think (Puck overheard Santana yesterday) that Rachel went all Super Diva on Rutherford and like sucked out his musical soul or something. Rachel heads to the piano and gives Brad the music, joins Matt, flashing him a smile, and then as the first notes hit the air, everyone shuts up.

Rachel and Matt perform a mash up of both versions "Empire State of Mind" and it's even better than the other day when he saw them practising. Matt pulls out for some sick moves, and Rachel's voice is clear and nothing short of perfect. (As usual, Puck will admit.)

They finish and everyone is in fucking shock. Probably because Rachel let someone, let alone Matt Rutherford take the lead in _anything_, but also but they can't deny that was amazing. And not just Rachel, Matt's was like equally good for someone who speaks even less than Tina at times.

Dude's also looking down at Rachel like he's about to jump out his skin from the nerves and she's smiling up at him, looking proud or something (whatever Puck might be feeling is gas, he had the burrito platter for lunch). But it's quiet, like deadly quiet, and they fidget next to each other. Even Brittany and Santana's little number of "Lady Marmalade" got applause, and Brittany forgot half the lyrics. Thank god the girl can dance and Santana can sing.

Right now though, there's nothing. Not one sound, save clock ticking. Rachel's lips flutter into a frown that she pulls back into a smile in a split second. Puck might feel like punching someone out, but he doesn't know who. It's not like he's clapping either.

When Rachel curtsies, she lays a hand on Matt's shoulder still giving that fucking giant smile. Matt smiles back and they start back to their seats, Matt's shoulders hunched and Rachel's chin held high. It's then Brittany and Mike start clapping. Mike whistles loudly and Brittany is jumping up and down. Everyone else follows their lead, without the extra excitement, except for Mr. Schue and Artie who has his fist up and yells out "represent!"

Mike holds up his hand for Matt to high five, which Matt does, but then Mike keeps his hand in the air.

"Rachel, you're not going to leave me hanging are you?" Mike grins.

Puck watches as Rachel's entire attitude flips in that second. She's beaming and excitedly hits her hand against Mike's. Smiling, for real this time, not that fake ass one she normally wears. It makes Puck wonder if it's her first high five, and then he wonders when he started categorising her smiles.

———

Every teacher in the school has it out for him. Mrs. Lawson especially, the old battle-axe wants him to write a paper on _Hamlet_. By Monday. (It's Monday now, so he has a week, but whatever, school is for losers.) Who the fuck is Hamlet?

He's totally willing to bet this is some evil plan to make her students lives miserable because ever since Mr. Lawson decided he like guys more than he liked her she's been going through the stages of grief. She's been stuck on anger for about two months now and it makes Puck miss the days when he just had to flirt a little to get out of work.

After class lets out he's walking down the halls thinking of how he's going to get out of writing this paper and still pass English when Moses smiles down on him, parts the student body like the Red Sea, and there is his ticket out:

Berry.

Puck grins, _Thanks, M-Dawg._

Berry has Lawson for English too. Second period and, no big surprise, she's getting straight As, because she's Rachel and god-forbid she get a B+. (How he knows this is between Puck, Moses, and Rachel's bed.)

Making his way to her he calls out, "Crazy!"

Rachel's eyes flick towards him but keeps walking down the hall. He knows she heard him so that means she's purposely ignoring him. Fuck that noise. (Maybe he shouldn't have called her Crazy out loud, it was like a nickname she only let him use _that week_ and get away with, but old habits, right?)

"B! B-Money!" He catches up to her pretty quickly, because come on let's face it, she's a midget, and he outruns dudes twice her size on the field. "Berry!"

She still refuses to look at him. He rolls his eyes, because fucking seriously?

Fine.

"Rachel," he says.

With a smug smile, Rachel looks up at him, "Oh, Noah, I'm sorry did you want something?"

Little minx.

"Ha-fucking-ha, Berry. Look, I need your help."

She looks nervous and to be fair he doesn't have the best track record with her. "You have English with Mrs. Lawson, right?"

"Yes," she says, clearly surprised that he remembers her schedule.

"You got that essay on Hamlet?"

Her eyes narrow and she has to be psychic or something because he doesn't even get to ask.

"No, Noah. Absolutely not. I will not be coerced into writing that essay for you or contribute to any of the plans you may have to get out of writing it."

"Come on, Berry! Ever since Mr. L decided he liked other dudes sausage more than her omelette, Mrs. L has gone all fucking Mrs. Tingle on us. "

"What are you talking about?"

"Seriously, Berry, you need to take the musicals out of your DVD rotation." At her glare he rolls his eyes and grins, "Mrs. Lawson is being a total bitch since her husband left her and she's taking it out me."

"She is not."

"Fuck yeah she is. She's not even caring about the effort I'm putting into flirting with her."

What Rachel does is between a laugh and a snort and it's totally unattractive except it's fucking cute on her. It also means he's winning her over. Yeah, he's a stud.

But Rachel is a buzzkill. "As unfortunate as it is that your flirtation techniques are no longer working on Mrs. Lawson, that doesn't change the simple fact I am not going to help you cheat, Noah. It's wrong, and honestly, you have enough time to write it as it's due next week. The play isn't even that long, comparatively speaking."

Puck furrows his brow, "What play?" No, seriously, what the shit is she talking about, he thought the essay was on _Hamlet_.

Rachel's eyes practically bug out of her. "HAMLET, NOAH. It's what the essay is on."

Oh.

"Oh. Whatever. Are you going to help me or not? Look you don't have to like fucking write everything, just help me get like a D on it." She looks unsure, but considering it. He can tell because she just sucked in her bottom lip and her eyes are darting to the left. Last time this happen they ended up making out on her bed for two awesome hours. He decides to sweeten the deal. "I'll OWE you, Berry. Anything you want."

"Really?" Her eyes are doing this creepy thing, but she smiles and he knows he's golden.

"Sure. You scratch my back, I'll scratch your as—" he mumbles the rest around her hand, from where it shot out to cover his mouth.

"My house, tonight, six o'clock. I trust you remember the way." He grins under her skin.

Puck considers telling her that he has a standing date with Chang for numchuck training after football, and dude turns into such a girl when you cancel on him, but she's already disappeared down the hall like a ninja. Fuck.

He flips open his phone, "Hey, Chang, look—"

—

He gets to Rachel's house at six forty-five and she answers the door with a lecture on punctuality, but she's wearing these tiny little shorts since she "had given up on him showing up and decided that instead of wasting time waiting for his unmotivated and irresponsible person, and was going to try to fit in another round on the elliptical." Puck ignores the lecture because the shorts she was wearing were hot pink and tiny. The Lord seriously wants him in Berry's pants, doesn't he?

Unfortunately he doesn't get anywhere that night because she actually makes him read the fucking play. (And Hamlet? Dude is fucked up. The uncle was the shit though, getting all up in there with the mother. Rachel pretty much smacked him in the head with the book when he mentioned this out loud. They don't make it past Act I.)

They spend the rest of week doing much of the same thing: Puck getting to her house (always a good ten minutes late), her lecturing him on the play and whatever else she felt like, but her outfits totally make up for it. The skirts are also getting shorter as the week goes--don't think he hasn't noticed. Then Thursday she mentions the Mel Gibson movie and Puck thinks: _Movie? Well, fuck this shit, I'm done. Where's the nearest Blockbuster?_

The answer is downstairs because the Berry's DVD collection is fucking huge and apparently one of her dads had a thing for early, pre-crazy "Passion of the Christ" Gibson. It's TMI, but Puck doesn't give a shit because they end up watching _Hamlet_ that night and together they manage to finish his essay by Friday night. (Hers was already done because Rachel is like a week ahead on her work for every class. Crazy, he knows.)

Saturday he picks her up after temple (he doesn't go), and tells her its time for her to watch a _real_ Mel Gibson movie and they hole up in his basement watching the Lethal Weapon movies.

"Why would I want to watch these movies? They look idiotic, Noah."

"You need to start watching movies that don't want to make me shoot myself, B-Money."

"Please don't call me that. It's ridiculous," she huffs, but settles on the couch next to him.

Puck slides over and wraps his arm around her shoulder, pressing play, "Whatever you say, Ray-Ray."

—

He ends up getting a C+ on the paper because Rachel Berry does not do D work even if it's not hers. He doesn't give a damn about school but he will admit it felt good to see that look on Mrs. Lawson's face when he actually handed it in, report folder and all. He showed _her_, Puckerone style.

Best part of this whole essay crap though: second base with Rachel had been conquered. (It happened during _Lethal Weapon 3_, the scene with Riggs and Lorna, because come on. Puck is no idiot and if Rachel were less uptight about _everything_, including their "complicated and frankly worrying history"—her words not his, it would have been a sealed deal during _Lethal Weapon 2_.)

If Moses were grading him Puck's sure he would be getting an A+. (And a gold star for S-T-Y-L-E.)

———

The making out after temple stops when she blows Babygate wide open. (Three awesome weeks, RIP.) He should have seen it coming. Rachel is no idiot and since he helped Quinn up that day in the choir room, she's been more crazy than usual.

He knows the second it ends as they pass each other that moment in the hall. For having a mouth that never stops, it's her eyes that say everything and it's a punch in the gut what they're telling him. She's ending whatever it was they were doing between baby-sitting and sexts. She's giving him an out and fuck him sideways, it hurts. He didn't want an out.

And then he talks to Quinn. The hits just keep on coming, don't they?

Then it's Sectionals, and he's never wanted to punch anyone as much as he wants to punch those hair-crazy girls and those deaf kids, but Rachel bands them all together and Finn comes back to save the motherfucking day. He thinks that it means that Finn's forgiven him and Quinn, but he just blows them off for Rachel, and yeah, Puck still wants to punch something. He sucks it up and watches as Rachel smiles at Finn and starts preparing her solo.

Twenty minutes later he's standing in the wings, watching Rachel blow everyone away, waiting for their cue and all he can wonder how someone so little can make him feel so much. She has everyone in the audience in the palm of her hands and as he looks at his fellow glee clubbers he watches the awe they hate to share with her on their faces. Behind the scenes they can't deny it though: Rachel is amazing and made for the stage.

(Rachel once told him, sitting on his lap, as he spider walked his fingers up her thighs that everything bad or sad thing she feels she keeps inside until she sings, using the song to let everything out. She called it a cleansing experience for the soul and asked him if he felt the same when he played the guitar. He ignored her question by pressing kisses to her jawline, pretending he wasn't listening, and tried to get to unclasp her bra. She let him wave her off and he let he believe he didn't know what she felt.

Maybe this all would have been different if he had told her it was the same for him.)

As she calls them out, he promises to himself he tell her the truth next time.

—

He doesn't.

With his mom finding out Q and then Q _moving in_— because his mother is insane and "God forbid that her granddaughter be taken care of by strangers", which is a whole other issue, but the squirt loves the idea of being an aunt, and his mom is kinda over the whole fact that Quinn is a blond shiska that is making her a grandmother. And for the most part it okay. The fridge is stocked all the time now, and what's one more crazy woman in his life; it's not like he has much hair to rip out his head anyway— Puck doesn't exactly get the chance to talk to Rachel all that much. And when he finally catches a break, and comes to a truce with Quinn about the Drizzle (yeah, he likes the name. So what?), and the fact that adoption might just be the right thing, he decides that maybe now it's time to mend a couple other bridges. Starting with Finn, but Finn keeps avoiding him and sending Puck hurt puppy looks, so Puck decides to move on to Rachel.

But Rachel?

She ruins everything, because he finds her in the auditorium, she's smiling up at that idiot from Vocal Adrenaline, who looks like he belongs in a boy band, who is making her giggle. It feels like looking at a car wreak, watching her lean up onto her tip toes because she's a midget and the guys is leaning down…

Fuck no. The Puckerone doesn't stand by like weepy chick in some crappy movie. He's a stud and if Berry wants that curly haired moron, she can have him.

He can get action from anyone he wants. (He forgot though: Santana has cut him off, and Quinn isn't giving it up. The cougars still want a piece of him, but it's not the same when they all smell like overpriced perfume and night cream. Rachel used to smell like nothing really, clean, sweet, and her legs are fucking unreal.

Berry's spoiled him with her tight little body, damn her.)

It doesn't help that he's so fucking angry all the time now. At everything and everyone, and because he can't find anyone better than to aim at, he aims it all at Rachel. He can't be pissed at Q because she's carrying his kid, and he deserves all the anger that Finn is feeling toward him right now. Being pissed at himself is just a waste of badassness, because it's not like he's fucking Edward Norton and can punch himself out and imagine Brad Pitt (who is a total pussy, by the way, in every role he's done except Tyler Durdan and Achilles because that dude was badass even if he was gay according to history and Rachel—he always remembers when Rach sat him down and made him watch Benjamin Button, and he mentioned how badass Achilles was to her. Rachel, once again proving how much of a fun-sucker she can be, told him Achellis was gay, and Alexander the Great, and then went on and on with like her list of Famous Gay Dudes that he had to shut her up by kissing her. But he doesn't give two shits about history or Rachel anyway. And yeah, one of those is a total lie.) in his place.

So yeah, he can't get fucking pissed at anyone involved in Babygate, except Rachel, who was supposed to be there for him, because didn't she promise to be his friend?

So what if he turned her down, it's beside the point.

Puck figures that since he's already made her life hell once before, and that letting Finn know who really was Q's baby daddy negates (yeah, NEGATES, who's the heathen now?) the truce they've reached behind closed doors.

And what's the best form of payback?

She fucking hates the blueberry ones. (Apparently they stain the worse and taste the shittiest. Not that he actually paid attention during her fucking lectures about motherfucking everything. He _didn't_.)

—

He's gonna do it. Right in the middle of the hall, so everyone can see that you don't mess with Puck, the Puckerone, Puckerman. She's right there, by her locker and the slushie is cool in his hand. It's just like riding a bike, he tells himself.

Rachel's always had bad timing in everything except music and she looks up right then, her eyes locking on to his.

Fuck it all.

Looking at Rachel reminds him yeah he's pissed as hell, and she's the Deep Throat (and that leads to thoughts he shouldn't be having right now) in their Babygate, but those eyes. All those brown eyes of hers remind him of is that yeah he's pissed, but its at everyone except her.

He hates that. He hates that just one look at her reminds him that she fucking gets it. That she gets him and that she'd be fine with him hating her and throwing slushies in her face, because if there's one thing Rachel understand is the need to make herself forget about all the shit that goes on in these halls. Fucking hell.

Then right behind her he spots that Israel kid. The one that sat too close to her on the bus and who he wanted to punch out when he mentioned getting into Rachel's pants during Sectionals--and fucking hell no, that smarmy mofo wasn't getting anywhere near those pleats--and, you know what? He'll do.

It's automatic; to stride those few steps past Rachel and throw his hand back, and then there's blue covering the dork's glasses, but all he hears is Rachel's gasp behind him.

"Noah," she whispers and he knows she wants to talk. He blots down the hallway. In a totally badass way. He doesn't look back, he fucking won't, but maybe he realises when he turns the corner that he should bring his history book to class, at least once. He turns back.

Rachel's still there, her back pressing against her locker with this look he's never really seen on her before, but it's just so... he feels like he's looking into a mirror. Before he decides to take that step forward the look is gone, a smile plastered onto her face, and she's on her way to Biology. He follows her cherry ass down the hall until she's gone and decides that it's a prime time to go to his truck and hotbox until lunch. (What? He bought like a shit load and wasn't going to waste it all on motherfucking cupcakes.)

—

But he should have known she wasn't going to let the slushie thing go and the next day she corners him by his locker.

"Noah, was happened in the hall yesterday?"

"Nothing."

"But Noah—"

"Jesus I said it was nothing, Berry! Get out my way, I got a babymama to feed."

She frowns and he pushes past her.

After that he starts getting text messages to practice scales and routines. And here's the thing: you can only avoid Rachel Berry for so long when she wants in your life.

He goes to temple that Saturday. Rachel sees him and smiles. Whatever, it was only to get his mom of his case (again).

—

Then Jesse ends up being the Tony fucking Almeida to Rachel's Jack Bauer, except Rachel is a lot less badass than Jack, and cries in the girl's bathroom (which he only hears about because Quinn apparently spent all of Spanish with Rachel in said bathroom and filled Puck in on their drive to his house. One thing about Quinn, pregnant or not: she can be scary, and the look in her eyes said murder. When Quinn started to care about Rachel is anyone's guess, but he's not gonna lie, he's kinda proud of his baby mama when she stands up for Rachel. Someone should.)

And because Glee is full of gossips practise the next day is tense and awkward. Kurt can't shut up about Jesse's betrayal and everyone is looking at Rachel not knowing quite what to do as she pretends she's fine. If hitting Hummel wasn't like hitting a girl, Puck would have popped the kid one. Apparently somehow Coach Sylvester is involved in all this, and if it wasn't for the fact that making Rachel cry now equates to beating a puppy in his book, Puck would be impressed at the levels of asshole accomplished here. But the douche made Rachel cry. There's only one thing for Puck can actually do now.

Be motherfucking Jack Bauer, because Rachel can handle her shit, but she's probably looking to destroy Vocal Adrenaline on a purely artistic basis, which is all fine because that's how she is. But Puck? He's a little more literal about shit like this.

He's not surprised when Matt and Mike want to help him. His is when Artie and Finn do. Quinn was look out the whole time, eating her three beef burritos.

He hopes Jesse St. James and Vocal Adrenaline aren't attached to his car, or their costumes.

—

Rachel finds out, of fucking course. (What Puck doesn't know it was Finn that told her, because they share their feelings over ice cream like the girls they are. When Quinn mentions this to Rachel and Finn they laugh because it does seem like something Noah would say. There's an awkward moment after when Finn and Rachel realise they might miss Puck more than they were willing to admit.)

She corners him in the choir room after practice one day. He knows she knows because she's got that look on her face that means she's both proud and irritated at the same time. Why he misses that face will forever be a question to him.

"Noah."

He sighs, sitting back down because talking to Rachel is more exhausting than having two-a-days. "What up, B-Money?"

She frowns at the nickname. Puck smirks, she hates that one the most.

"I've heard about your retaliation towards Jesse and Vocal Adrenaline in light of his less than honourable reasons for joining us here at Glee. And while I understand that you rather not admit that you care for Glee as a general stance in regards towards your reputation, I must ask, why did you do that? It was an extremely reckless thing to do. Had you, the rest of the boys, and Quinn been caught I have no doubt that you all would have been arrested for your actions. Not to mention the fact that Quinn's pregnant. I doubt she would want to give birth in jail."

He laughs, because the image of Quinn pushing out his kid behind bars is kinda funny and _so wrong_. "Whatever, somebody needed to step and show that kid you don't mess with my g—with us." Shit, what was that? He's not completely sure, but he's positive that it wasn't good, and now Rachel is blinking up at him with those eyes and her cheeks are flushing.

"Wait, what did you say?" She bites her bottom lip and it's so sexy and distracting, and god, he misses that look, which it's the only explanation for what he says next.

"He had it coming."

She licks her lips and steps closer to him, her hand touching his forearm. "Did you do it because of me?"

"What? Are you high, Berry? _No_." He knows it's the wrong thing to say the second he says it. Her eyes drop and she takes back her hand.

"Well, okay, then. This was… If you could refrain from dragging other Glee members into illicit activities I'd appreciate as I don't think that spending the night in jail is something they would wish to do." She starts turning away and Puck suddenly understands that he doesn't want to her to go. He could let her and she'd walk out of the room, head home, and they'd be back to being not friends, but not enemies, and he knows he doesn't want that. He's not exactly sure what he wants; all he knows is that he doesn't want her to walk away.

He reaches out and curls his hand under her elbow, spinning her back to him, "Look maybe it wasn't not because of you. He made you cry. So I made him cry."

"Why?"

"He shouldn't have played you like that, Rach. You deserve better," his voice gentle; he blames it on all the lame movies Quinn makes him watch, but he can't take it back and he knows (sees it in her face) the second she gets it.

"Oh, my," Rachel breathes, her eyes widening like a cartoon's. "You like me."

"I don't," Puck mutters, looking anywhere besides Rachel's eyes. She's like a viper and she's strike at any sign of weakness.

She giggles, "You do!"

Dammit, see what he means.

Not amused at the fact that Rachel is fucking laughing at him, Puck growls, "You do have to fucking laugh? I dated you once, Berry, this shouldn't be like a fucking shock."

Rachel presses her hand to her lips, but composes herself, looking him straight in the eye, "That was different, Noah."

Puck hates that she gets it, that she understands that whatever attraction he had to her before was all fuelled by lust, the need to be good Jew, and her fucking skirts. Now it's still pretty much the same, except he like cares or some shit. About her. Fuck.

"Whatever, it wasn't," he denies, because it's what he _does_.

She quirks an eyebrow, "Really?"

He rolls his eyes, fucking chicks, "Not by the time you dumped me, which way harsh, B, dumping me like that. You're lucky I'm like willing to even give you a second chance to be with the Puckerone."

She scoffs like she doesn't buy any of his bullshit, which lets be fair, she never has. It's like one of his favourite things about her. She doesn't just take his shit, she dishes it right back. (Well, they're not going to talk about the slushies, because during the Lost Week they decided that she understood it was his need as an insecure teenage male to posture around other males to achieve a certain degree of status and she unfortunately was a casualty in this. Or, like Puck sees it, he was just fulfilling his role as Lima's ultimate badass and she was an easy mark. Either way, she forgave somehow, and he didn't let her know, but he knew how lucky he was that she did.) So points to her, she's really more badass than the plaid and argyle let on.

"You're lucky _I've_ even considered you as a potential leading man in my life, _Noah_."

He blinks, processing her words and smirks, "So does that mean I'm getting a second chance?" They may have been making out on and off again, and then off for way too long, but he knows Rachel, and an on-screen validation is everything to her. Stepping closer to her he slips wraps his fingers around her wrist, rubbing his thumb against the thin skin over her vein. Rachel fidgets and he smiles. It might just be one of his favourite things ever, making her all hot and bothered.

She bites her lips, seriously making him enforce some willpower because does she know how hot she looks when she does that? She must because a second later she's grinning.

Ten minutes later they're caught by Brittany and Santana, making out in the supply closet next to the choir. Apparently it was the girls' spot. Wait, WHAT THE FUCK? SANTANA AND BRITTANY? (He makes a mental note to ask San about it later and why the fuck she kept it from him when they were dating because he would have so totally been up for a threesome with Brittany—maybe Rachel would be open to it, she's all about liberal shit like that. He'll ask later.)

He tells the Cheerios to fuck off and find a broom closet, too focused on Rachel's lips and mussed hair to care about their lesbian adventures, as Rachel shares smiles with Brittany over Puck's shoulder. Santana gives them her best bitch face but Brit pulls her away before she says anything.

(FYI: That scene in the supply closet is how he finds himself on the double date from hell three weeks later because Rachel and Brittany have like bonded over dating two people as emotionally repressed as him and Santana. Her words, not his, not that's she wrong.

The shit he puts up with for his girl.)

———

Everything with the baby (who was born one week before Regionals and is perfect, and living with her adoptive parents, which yeah, maybe it was for the best), Quinn (they might have not been dating, but she lived with him until the Drizzle was born and sure, she might have been supportive of him and Rachel, but legit, Quinn and Rachel are scary together. He thinks they might take over the world and leave him behind. Thank god, Q moved out and shacked up at Brittany's after.), Jesse, and Vocal Adrenaline (who beat them at Regionals, but Puck assures Rachel that they'll kick their asses next year) aren't the only things that lets Puck knows that he and Berry will make it despite the shit that gets thrown at them. There's other shit, most of it comes later, and not all of it bad.

Like the fact the first time they had sex it was also the first time he didn't have to hightail it out of the girl's bed and they literally slept spooned together like in the crappy romance novels she hides under her bed. The first time she tells him she loves him is during a fight about his grades, and the first time he tells her is when they're parked in his truck one night, the crazy good sex that came after both confessions. The fact that she's totally willing to do crazy ass shit with him like spy on Vocal Adrenaline with him while wearing skin-tight cat-suits because it's "in character" (ridiculous, he knows, but she looks so fucking hot so who cares?)

There's also the first time they got arrested for indecent exposure and her dads grounded her for the first time in her life, but she still sneaked him into the house, and by then they knew all the primo hookup spots in the school. And how by they're seniors they've broken up about five times (seven according to Rachel but that's not a fight Puck ever—EVER— wants to revisit), and their longest break up was 72 hours, even though they argue almost every day. But she still believes in him after all the crap he pulls and somehow he finds the crazy hotter (and more endearing) every day.

But most importantly the thing that lets Puck know that he and Rachel are fucking it is when he gets his acceptance letter to Cooper Union the first thing he thinks of is:

_Fuck dorms, me and Rach are going to love shack it up in NYC._

He waits until Rachel gets her acceptance from Julliard (and NYU, Yale, Brown and Berkeley) before he tells her though. He also lets her bring it up because like hell is he going to let her think he was thinking about their _future_. She has lists, graphs, and spreadsheet, outlining everything. And while her dads aren't hot on the idea of their little girl living with her boyfriend, they do admit that her presentation for why it would be more economical for her and Noah to live together is pretty flawless. He should have known his girl had it all planned out.

Later they fight about the fact he wants to ditch graduation now that they have the college thing in the bag. She will not have it. They compromise (road trip after graduation, just the two of them), and wouldn't you know, the make up sex is awesome.


End file.
